redmarsshit | redshift: tdm #4

redshift: tdm #4

Redshift: Welcome to the v͖͕̺̲̘̱̜͎o̴̦̣̠̦̘̹͞i̯̖d̛̪̬͈̱̦̝͍̕.

▶ Click here to read what characters will experience when arriving in Anchor.

▶ All TDM threads can be considered game canon, and current players are welcome to either top-level on the TDM so prospective players can tag them, or use the prompts for logs or network posts on the communities. All threads on the TDM can be used for Activity Check.

a. the red shit.

There are rumblings in the deepest, most overgrown part of the agricultural area, where until very recently there was a lingering pocket of red algae. The good news is, the red algae is gone! The bad news is, it all got eaten by a mutated bear-thing with giant antlers. The algae did a number on the poor thing, doping it up and confusing it to the point where everything is an enemy.

What’s worse? The algae has adapted, colonizing the creature’s entire body. The algae has mutated in the process, releasing a protective cloud of toxins that causes severe hallucinations, as well as some of the protective and euphoric qualities that the red algae originally possessed. Which means the mutated, antlered, bear-thing is accompanied by a small army of other creatures, from large to small, who are all very invested in its survival and also are being driven crazy by its presence.

Prepare yourselves for one hell of a hunt. These animals can pop up almost everywhere in the agricultural zones, and when they do show their paws it’s to go on a rampage.

b. fashionista.

It wouldn’t be Anchor if the bots weren’t fucking shit up.

This time, the spa bots have gone full stylist coach, chasing down residents and trying to do their hair, nails, makeup, or change their clothes. In some cases, they're literally sweeping people off their feet and carrying them to the hot springs, massage rooms, and spa areas to be pampered. Too bad most of their cosmetics are fifty years out of date and the closests they’ve raided either had another resident’s clothes or moth-eaten dust-covered rags.

Is that the jacket Idris Elba was wearing in the introductory video? It kinda looks like it.

But it’s not all bad! The bots actually give great massages and fantastic mani-pedis. They also have a small stash of fresh cosmetics and clean clothes that got left behind in the spas. They might not fit great, but they look pretty good!

If your character doesn’t practice proper self-care, well. They’d better watch out. These bots have a particular eye for the sad, the filthy, the tired, and they’re going to make sure you get some damn fine pampering.

c. whole foods: 2.0.

Remember that whole Whole Foods grocery store thing that happened? Well, the grocery store and the zombies are still there. Only now there are more zombies, and two giant supply trucks have shown up, one behind and one in front of the store.

The one at the rear of the store can be accessed fairly easily. It’s painted to look like a giant United States flag, with a dramatic crying eagle emblazoned across the back doors. Inside, there is beer. Lots and lots of beer, and a bunch of semiautomatic rifles. Also some skeletons. Seems like the guns and booze didn’t help them.

The one in front of the store is thickly surrounded, the creatures clawing at the plain white sides of the semi like there’s something precious inside.

If Anchorites can make it through, if they can fend off the monsters and keep from getting torn to pieces by a hoard of bloodthirsty beasts, they’ll find out what that precious truck contains.

It’s twinkies. A semi full of twinkies. We hope you’ve got a sweet tooth, Anchor.

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[Y'know after getting to know some of the people around the station, Peter's not so sure that's a joke??? You can just never tell with some of these people, man.

And eeeYUP that sure is a horrible antler'd murder-bear. Peters first thought is "oh god no that poor weird cat", his second thought actually is "WHAT THE HELL IS A KNIFE GOING TO DO AGAINST A BEAR" but what actually comes out of his mouth is] Holy shit!!

[WELL he doesn't want his new hunting buddy to be murdered by a bear, so Peter leaps up into the trees and tries to slow it's charge by trapping it with some webs. It's a little successful?? But no it's still totally coming at you bro get out of the way. Or stab it, that might work too.]

[ Eyup, that sure was an angry bear. And now that Majima had a second to get a better look, that sure was algae growing over its antlers and back. And that cloud of B.O. around aforementioned bear was looking like bad news. In fact, this whole operation was looking all the time like it was going to be less fun and more a complete clusterfuck.

At least Peter was able to slow it down a little. As the bear charged at him, mouth filled with pointy death, Majima gestured with the knife, sending a trail of frost in a wide swath across the floor toward the bear. The animal slipped, skidded past, fell on one meaty shoulder and then bellowed as it sailed past him and smashed into what looked like an old metal lawn table someone had set out like a billion years ago and forgotten to reclaim.

Oh, if only the bear were the least of their problems. Instead, there were smaller animals now streaming out from the overgrowth, acting like a tiny furry little asshole army as they moved to repel the intruders. Angry sparrows pecked at Majima's hair and suit, cheeping and dive-bombing. ]

Hey what the fuck?!

[ No one had told him this bear was a Disney Princess, he hated this. ]

[Peter is momentarily distracted by shooting perhaps way more webbing than necessary at the bear, trying to make sure it doesn't get back up for at least a little while. When he hops out of the tree he'd perched himself in and turns his attention back to Majima aaand that sure is a bunch of tiny critters dive bombing this poor dude. Peter can't help but stare for a moment, but he eventually makes his way over to helpfully swat at the goddamn shroom birds.]

This is super weird, they're acting like pack animals. [OR a tiny furry little asshole army, either way.] I might have to take a sample of this stuff back to the lab.

[Spoken like a true nerd-ass nerd.]

Yeah, uh... samples. They didn't tell ya what we're supposed to do with any critters, did they?

[ No. In fact, instructions had been rather distressingly vague; he was pretty sure he was just supposed to check a malfunctioning set of sensors or something. The bear roared, but whatever it was Peter was shooting at it was apparently pretty strong. Maybe webbing strength just scaled better than bears, who knew.

Majima struck an infected crow mid-dive with the flat of his palm, freezing its body instantly as irritable squirrels and a couple of even more irritable deer stepped in to harry them. None as big as Mr. Pic-a-Nic Basket, though at least one of the deer was sporting an impressive rack of antlers. ]

Question: If it can take over all these different animals, what's keepin' it from doing the same thing to us?

[ Because, hey, he'd heard about those freaky fungi that took over ants. What was to say space algae couldn't turn them into zombies, too? ]

Uh, I mean, we're the they in this scenario, pal. The only people keeping this place going is all of us.

So um. YOLO?

[Really helpful there, Petey. It's less helpful than the way this guy is slapping birds. He webs a couple of critters to the ground and is about to comment on Majima's bird slapping, but uuuuh. Then he says that one thing and now Peter's looking very concerned.]

Um.

Shit.

We should stop breathing.

[That's. That's helpful, right?]

[ For a moment, Majima simply looked at Peter. Then it was like he was staring past Peter, into the middle distance where presumably there were answer to questions like 'is red space algae going to melt my brain?' and also 'when is this deer going to stop trying to jab me with its stupid fucking antlers?' ]

You serious? This is the future, ain't there some kind of... decontamination procedure or some shit?

[ So far, the future was, in fact, not filled with shining promise. In fact, it seemed kind of shitty. He had not met a single space pirate, and also he was probably going to die of dysentery. ]

Okay. Alright, fine, you keep Bambi from eatin' my jacket, and I'll try to do something about the...

[ He waved vaguely at the Horrible Algae Toxins. ]

...clouds.

There is a decontamination area! It's just um. Not here.

[See normally Peter is way more on the ball about OOOH not being a moron about remembering important shit but today he must have some shrooms on the brain or something.

The good news is there's probably no dysentery in space. Yet. But hey, it sounds like this guy might have almost a plan! That's more that Peter's got right now. He straight up tackles the killer deer and grapples it to the ground.]

I don't know how you're gonna do that, but good luck!

[ Was Majima ever going to use his knife for cutting something? Not now, apparently, because he was busy using the tip to trace out a series of glowing sigils in the air with careful precision. To the exclusion of pretty much everything else. Sadly, he was not going to be much help with the remaining animals, but if it helped, there was an angry squirrel relentlessly trying to embed an acorn into the back of his neck.

A pale glow began to suffuse first him, then Peter; when visible clouds of the algae toxin struck that illumination, the particles seemed to bounce off, making it a little easier to breathe without completely tripping balls. ]

I guess that'll have to do for now. Let's get your samples, huh?

[Peter takes a second to web that deer to the ground before he hops to his feet and brushes himself off.]

Okay, I don't know what you did, but it was awesome. We can grab a sample in a minute, we should probably kill that bear before we leave. That web's only gonna last for a couple of hours, then it's just gonna be going batshit again.

[ He slid his knife back inside his sheath and stowed it. ]

What happens to dead animals out here? Are all the others infected already?

[ It was probably a testament to the past half year that that was the question that first came to Majima's mind, not 'we're going to kill the bear?!'. His main worry was what consequences leaving a big old infected bear carcass out here might have.

Go figure. ]

Uh, see, I don't really do much in agriculture? Not really my area of expertise. I just came here to fight the bear, and I was gonna just toss it outside the airlock and let nature take it's course.

And by "nature", I mean radioactive wasteland.

[Surely something out there will eat it. And then probably also get all shroomed. This maybe is not the best strategy.]

Edited 2019-10-22 20:56 (UTC)

[ This face? It was the face of a man who was asking himself what life choices had led him to this instance in time, to this exact moment when he was listening to a fresh-faced dude who shot spiderwebs out of his hands (????), telling him that Plan A was dragging a bear carcass out to the setting of Fallout or some shit. ]

That sounds like a terrible idea, but fuck it. Sure.

[ It'd be fine! It'd be fun! They definitely weren't going to cause More Problems. He reached down around the bear's antlers, feeling around at its neck. It was not a particularly pleasant feeling, even with the ward in place; the algae felt like it was slithering under his touch, but look.

It was probably just his imagination. ]

[good game Todd Howard]

I mean do you have any better ideas? Because I am completely open to better ideas! I mean, I don't even know how we should like, kill this bear. Can we knife it? Should-- should we knife it?

[I mean yes the bear is dangerous and the agriculture nerds would probably like to have it removed so that they can continue growing shit, but also the idea of killing a thing makes Peter super uncomfortable.]

Also you might wanna be careful not to touch the algae? Or fungus or whatever it is. I know this one dude Kabal who got all shroomed up, but in like, a bad way. Dude was tripping balls for a while.

Is there a lab with an incinerator? Somewhere you can get rid of a carcass without spreadin' hallucinogens around?

[ That was his first instinct, but oh.

Oh, no. ]

...You should probably look away. And also cover your ears.

[ Look, he'd agreed to this plan initially, but that was before Majima found out Peter had never killed no bears. Now he was feeling all weird about dispatching a big old furry animal in front of the kid and scarring him for life or something. ]

Uhh. See, I usually spend all my lab time in R&D, and we don't have an incinerator in there. I haven't seen any in this area, either.

[he's probably gonna have to think on this one a bit or like ask around or something. They'll figure it out it's fiiiiine.]

Nah, it- it's fine, you can just- [he makes a couple vague hand motions that explain literally nothing] y'know, just. Chop that bear.

[he's ~~almost~~ an adult okay he's fiiiiine]

[ Press X to doubt..........

Still, they didn't have all day, and this bear wasn't getting any more cooperative. It was kind of shitty, actually, to keep it restrained like this when they were planning to kill it anyway, so Majima simply reached over with both arms and with an audible crack, snapped the creature's neck.

The animal jerked once or twice, but ceased struggling almost immediately, and then all they had was a former infected bear. Neat! Economical! As long as you could forget that sound, anyway. Best not to think about it! ]

You were plannin' to carry it out of here?

[ The best part was that it wasn't going to bleed everywhere, that was definitely the best part. ]

[He only winces a tiny bit when that bear neck just fucking snaps. He's equal parts scarred for life and impressed by this man's ability to break a bear's goddamn neck.]

Uh. Ugh, um. I mean, that or drag it. I don't really wanna track algae everywhere though, so I guess I should just carry it. You wouldn't happen to have a pair of gloves on you, would you?

[ He shook his head. ] Might need to start carryin' them around.

[ Especially if he was apparently going to have to go around handling biohazards. A glowing, slightly wobbly-looking animal was making its way towards them, and for a second he thought those hallucinogens were kicking in... but no, it was that little glowcat from before, shaking itself off like it had taken a tumble through the bushes. ]

But we gotta wear those suits to go outside anyway, right? With the radiation and all.

[ Majima put a hand out as the cat approached, and it jumped right up his forearm and up onto his shoulder, flopping over it like a towel hanging itself up to dry. On closer inspection, it had little glow-whiskers. ]

[He nods in reply to the question, but most of his attention is on the glowcat. It looks super cool, he can't help it.]

Uh, yeah. There's suits at the exits. Did you find that cat here? We've got a bunch of weird glowing animals, one guy I know caught a horse.

Nah. I made him.

[ Majima put his hand up to rub between the cat's ears, more of an idle gesture than anything else. ]

Y'know how it's a pain to carry a flashlight around all the time? I figured if I could make a light that moved around on its own, hey. Less to deal with.

Only thing is, sometimes he kinda just does what he wants. Maybe I should've gone with a dog.

[ Okay, that was what he was saying, but now the little cat was vibrating in a silent purr. ]

Caught as in still has? Where the hell'd he keep it?

[Peter nods along, like yeah, sure is a pain in the ass to have to carry flashlights around, especially when he needs to use his hands to fix stuff or fight bears.]

Yeah, that- that sounds like a cat, my girlfriend and I have three of them. Can you elaborate on the making him part?

[That sounds trippy as all hell, bro.]

Caught as in still has. It's this dude, Kieran, literally a cowboy. Like from the old west. He keeps it in a barn somewhere else on this level.

How much do ya know about magic? That's basically what it is, a kind of evocation.

[ It was pretty trippy, tbh. Majima shooed away a couple of straggler rabbits, who were sort of blooming in the general area. ]

At least there's plenty of room for it. Place is practically a ghost town compared to the last one I was in.

I don't know much about it other than I can't do it. There were these wizards back in the last place i was stuck that tried to teach me some stuff, but I guess it's just not my thing.

[It's okay, he makes up for not being a magic boy by being a spider boy.]

Where were you before this? Like, home, or some other weirdo universe?

Put me down for other weirdo universe. 'bout half the people who showed up turned into monsters, and the other half could do magic. I got the back half. Which is nice and all, but I can't help thinkin' it would've been a blast to be a werewolf.

[ Alas. No dog jokes for him.

Majima reached over and booped the cat's nose; the animal dissolved into a puff of light particles, leaving behind only a slender paper charm with an ink inscription written on it. He offered this to Peter. ]

Here, he's got about half left.

So what's your story, the same thing? Got sucked outta wherever ya came from?

Uhhhh.... I mean, on one hand, that would be completely awesome? But also real freaky in a screwed up body horror sort of way.

[Peter turns the paper charm over a couple times, but as curious as he is about it, he decides to put off asking how it works for now.]

Ah, yeah, pretty much. Only I was dead first. After I died, I woke up in this place called Hadriel, and there were a bunch of weird Gods and killer robots.

redshift: tdm #4

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