redshift: tdm #4

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Redshift: Welcome to the v͖͕̺̲̘̱̜͎o̴̦̣̠̦̘̹͞i̯̖d̛̪̬͈̱̦̝͍̕.

▶ Click here to read what characters will experience when arriving in Anchor.

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a. the red shit.

There are rumblings in the deepest, most overgrown part of the agricultural area, where until very recently there was a lingering pocket of red algae. The good news is, the red algae is gone! The bad news is, it all got eaten by a mutated bear-thing with giant antlers. The algae did a number on the poor thing, doping it up and confusing it to the point where everything is an enemy.

What’s worse? The algae has adapted, colonizing the creature’s entire body. The algae has mutated in the process, releasing a protective cloud of toxins that causes severe hallucinations, as well as some of the protective and euphoric qualities that the red algae originally possessed. Which means the mutated, antlered, bear-thing is accompanied by a small army of other creatures, from large to small, who are all very invested in its survival and also are being driven crazy by its presence.

Prepare yourselves for one hell of a hunt. These animals can pop up almost everywhere in the agricultural zones, and when they do show their paws it’s to go on a rampage.

b. fashionista.

It wouldn’t be Anchor if the bots weren’t fucking shit up.

This time, the spa bots have gone full stylist coach, chasing down residents and trying to do their hair, nails, makeup, or change their clothes. In some cases, they're literally sweeping people off their feet and carrying them to the hot springs, massage rooms, and spa areas to be pampered. Too bad most of their cosmetics are fifty years out of date and the closests they’ve raided either had another resident’s clothes or moth-eaten dust-covered rags.

Is that the jacket Idris Elba was wearing in the introductory video? It kinda looks like it.

But it’s not all bad! The bots actually give great massages and fantastic mani-pedis. They also have a small stash of fresh cosmetics and clean clothes that got left behind in the spas. They might not fit great, but they look pretty good!

If your character doesn’t practice proper self-care, well. They’d better watch out. These bots have a particular eye for the sad, the filthy, the tired, and they’re going to make sure you get some damn fine pampering.

c. whole foods: 2.0.

Remember that whole Whole Foods grocery store thing that happened? Well, the grocery store and the zombies are still there. Only now there are more zombies, and two giant supply trucks have shown up, one behind and one in front of the store.

The one at the rear of the store can be accessed fairly easily. It’s painted to look like a giant United States flag, with a dramatic crying eagle emblazoned across the back doors. Inside, there is beer. Lots and lots of beer, and a bunch of semiautomatic rifles. Also some skeletons. Seems like the guns and booze didn’t help them.

The one in front of the store is thickly surrounded, the creatures clawing at the plain white sides of the semi like there’s something precious inside.

If Anchorites can make it through, if they can fend off the monsters and keep from getting torn to pieces by a hoard of bloodthirsty beasts, they’ll find out what that precious truck contains.

It’s twinkies. A semi full of twinkies. We hope you’ve got a sweet tooth, Anchor.

Navigation.

Comments

[scowlish]

[Just like he should've known Lalli didn't need his help in the fight, he should've known that Lalli would be oppositional about it. That he would glare at Onni and make only the most cursory effort to follow his advice, at least when he's angry at him. Even when they're getting along, after all, Lalli has a tendency to be impulsive and to either forget or not care that he can be hurt; it sends adrenaline flooding through Onni's system whenever Lalli goes into danger without thinking, and then there's friction, and he ends up having to order his cousin to do things, authoritarian because Lalli won't listen when he asks him to take care of himself.

It works this time, just like all the other times it has, and Lalli pulls his collar up over his mouth. But it's too late, Onni thinks, his heart sinking, and he puts his spear up, eyes on his cousin as he goes to walk past him and then abruptly stops. Instinctively, Onni's eyes follow Lalli's gaze, and he reaches back to rest his hand on his spear, eyes narrowing.

There's nothing there. He'd expected another of the animals, the ones in thrall to the creature Lalli had killed, but there's nothing.

When Lalli throws his arm out in front of Onni, it's a relief, not just to know Lalli will protect him if need be, but because Lalli is willing to. Shaking his head a little, Onni scans the area, looking out for any sign of movement, or of what Lalli might have seen.]

There's nothing there.

[lallipop]

Don't you hear it?

[The skittering. The sound of too-many feet scraping against earth from a direction he can't identify. It's too bright for them to show themselves fully, and yet shadows flit at the edges of his vision as he looks, too fast to track.

There's nowhere here they could hide that quickly. Where are they? The skittering isn't coming from a consistent direction, which means they could come from anywhere. Which puts him at a major disadvantage in protecting his cousin.]

Get out of here.

[At least, if Onni leaves and they follow him, Lalli will know where they are. He's sure he can dispatch them in no time after that.]

[scowlish]

[Brows furrowing as Lalli asks if he can hear it, Onni shakes his head. It isn't just the physical movements of creatures that he's listening for, but the voices of beasts and trolls, dark and vicious and compelling. But he doesn't hear those either, there are only the strange but mostly benign spirits of the trees and air and grass and animals here.]

Lalli, there's nothing there.

[For all that his voice is carefully calm, Onni can feel his heart beating harder, and his own eyes flick around them, following Lalli's gaze as he looks around for whatever is making the noise that he hears and Onni can't. Lalli is better in the field than he is, he knows, and generally he respects his cousin's senses a great deal. Even now, knowing that there's a good chance the algae or spores or whatever else coming off the beast Lalli had fought might be compromising Lalli's senses, the instinct to trust what Lalli is saying is strong, and so his pale eyes keep flicking around to wherever Lalli is looking and his heart keeps pounding with adrenaline.]

We should get you away from this thing. Come with me?

[lallipop]

No...

[It's not directed at Onni so much as to the universe at large. Lalli knows well enough to begin to figure out that something doesn't make sense. He can see and hear the movement, but he can't feel it--can't feel the wrongness that always comes from something twisted by the rash.

And Onni is a much stronger mage than he is, and if Onni thinks there's nothing there, then...

Lalli squeezes his eyes shut and covers his ears in a familiar motion, but this time it isn't because he's overwhelmed; something is lying to him, and it might well be his own senses. He has to shut out the distraction. It leaves him--leaves the both of them--vulnerable, but it lets him focus on his spiritual sense, lets him feel out around himself.

And he finds nothing. His face crumples in confusion, eyes still closed.]

I don't understand.

[scowlish]

[When Lalli says no, Onni flinches a little at first, until he registers that it's not entirely directed at him. While Lalli puts his hands over his ears and squeezes his eyes shut, Onni turns his attention to the space around them, scanning for anything that might be setting his cousin off, something that might explain what he's hearing and seeing besides the obvious.

But there's nothing else. The wind is blowing through tree branches, sending leaves scuttling across the ground, and in the distance something man-made clatters against something else. Nothing alarming, nothing dangerous. Onni's eyes go back to the hulking dead beast again, watches as the wind stirs a faint cloud of red around it, and then looks back at Lalli as his face crumples into confusion.

Reaching out carefully, he brushes his hands against Lalli's shoulders before taking gentle hold of his upper arms and leaning in a bit.]

Whatever corrupted that beast can make us see things, hear things that aren't real.

[Carefully, as reassuringly as possible, he squeezes at Lalli's arms, trying to give him something solid to ground himself with.]

It's not the rash, so it doesn't matter if you're immune or not, but the mask keeps it out. You'll have to trust me for a few minutes, until we're somewhere we know is safe.

[A hesitation, because he worries that might be too much to ask of their currently frayed relationship, but he has to try.]

Lalli, look at me?

[lallipop]

[The problem with Onni is that he's a constant. When things don't make sense, Onni is there to be an anchor and make sense for him. He knows what to do when things get to be too much. And despite how Lalli wants to be angry, it's something he needs right now when everything is lying to him, and he can't keep up wanting the distance. He's at sea, and Onni is a rock to cling to.

He leans into Onni's hands, and trusts him, and open his eyes.

His heart stops.

Everything that Onni has just told him, every rational thought flies from his head because all he can see is the rash on Onni's neck. Right there, clear as day: infection.

Lalli doesn't know where or how it could have happened, but it doesn't matter, because there it is. A death sentence. And it was Lalli's job to keep it from happening.]

No.

[This time, it is directed at Onni. Where Lalli been bracing his weight in Onni's hands, now he steps away, unconsciously, feeling only horror. Everything narrows with terrible clarity onto this moment. He feels hollow and sick, the same way he felt when he'd come into the tank and found Tuuri holding her bleeding arm. Onni is infected. Onni is going to die. Onni is going to die, just like Tuuri, because Lalli failed to protect him.

His hands fly to his mouth without him even realizing, and all he can do is back up, like putting distance between them will disperse the mirage, make it not real.]

No, no, no, no--!

[Not him too. Not him too.]

[scowlish]

[It's a relief when Lalli doesn't push away from him, or push him away, he just leans into Onni's hands on his arms and it reminds him of any one of hundreds of times he's calmed Lalli this way since they were children. Times when Lalli was overwhelmed or confused or sad and Onni learned the slow, painful, trial-and-error lesson of how caring for his cousin's emotional distress was different from caring for Tuuri's, or how other people handled his own.

This is what it had always boiled down to - don't hug, don't push, don't startle, touch his arms only, let go right away if there's any sign of distress at it. Years of practice have made it much easier to fight his natural instinct to hug, but when Lalli leans into him and opens his eyes, and his face looks stricken instead of relieved, it's still hard to fight the urge to do it, even though he knows that will make everything worse.

At least, it is until Lalli says 'no' and starts pulling back from him as if he's turned into a monster. Onni immediately lets go of him when he tries to pull away, but he can feel the kick of fear through the abiding haze of low-level anxiety that almost always persists with him.]

Lalli?

[It comes out far more shaky and confused than he wants it to, and before he speaks again, he forces himself to stabilize his voice, to take a few deep breaths and force calm into his voice even if the way Lalli's hands fly up to his mouth and he keeps backing up and repeating 'no' over and over kicks his adrenaline into overdrive.]

Lalli, whatever you're seeing, it isn't real. Lalli, say something. What is it?

[And then, just in case, just in case-]

I won't hurt you.

[lallipop]

[At first, Lalli simply shakes his head. The words don't come out; he can barely believe he'd ever uttered them before now. The very idea seems impossible.

Eventually, though, he manages.]

Your neck.

[And that's all he can. Something in the back of his mind insists he should think about this, sort it out, but it's drowned out in his mounting panic. It's all that needs to be said, truly.

It's the helplessness. When Tuuri was bitten, when Onni was stricken with the same inevitability. There's nothing Lalli can do, except wait for them to succumb.

And then he will be alone, like he's always been, in truth. He failed Tuuri, he failed Onni, where will he stop?]

[scowlish]

My-

[Blinking a few times, Onni lifts his hand and rubs against the side of his neck, first on one side and then the other, brows furrowing in confusion. There's nothing there, and what could Lalli be seeing on his neck that-

Oh.

For a moment, Onni feels a spike of fear, and suddenly the skin on his neck feels itchy when it hadn't just moments before. He knows, he knows there's no way he could have caught it (except he could have, he was walking into the Silent World when he'd been brought here, and the decontamination here is not intended for the rash) and he's sure he would have seen the rash before now, felt something (but he isn't sure he'd have known, no one in the village had known when Hilja infected them, not until it was too late).

Suddenly, his heart is pounding and he feels a little light-headed and has to force himself to breathe even and slow and deep because otherwise he'll be hyperventilating.]

There's nothing there, Lalli. My neck is fine. There's nothing wrong. We'll be fine.

[lallipop]

But--

[There's nothing he actually intends to say. Lalli is mostly beyod words, by now. He keeps seeing Tuuri in front of him. Tuuri with blood down her arm. Tuuri asking him about the voices of trolls and whether they have any hope of redemption, and telling her no. The last thing she said to him was to have a good night. Then the pain of suffocation, and panic, and seeing her footprints in the snow leading to the shore, and.

There is a yawning hole in his chest, threatening to swallow him up. Onni is looking at him with concern in his eyes and all Lalli can think is I'm sorry. The wrong person came back. He'd give anything to trade. I'm sorry. I should have done better. I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry.

He digs the heels of his palms into his eyes and lets out--some kind of sound. A guttural noise of grief. He says it under his breath like a mantra, I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry. It could never be enough.]

[scowlish]

[It's heartbreaking to watch, the way whatever Lalli's mind is showing him breaks him down, overwhelms his defenses and leaves him pressing his hands to his eyes and making that sound. Onni has made that sound before, he knows where that sound comes from, and suddenly there's no more panic, no more fear, there's just an unbearable empty sadness that's so big and overwhelming that it feels like it might bowl him over.

Eyes stinging, throat tight, chest constricting, he makes a frustrated noise in his throat at his own immediate response, the same as always. Gritting his teeth against the physical reactions while he hears a chorus of every time anyone has teased him for crying, he swallows as much of the grief as he can, and forces himself to speak when Lalli starts chanting under his breath that he's sorry, over and over and over.]

Why are you sorry, Lalli? You didn't do anything wrong.

[His voice is rough with restraining his tears, but he has to speak. He has to make sure Lalli is okay.]

[lallipop]

[He can't even begin to respond to this.

He didn't do anything wrong? If only Onni knew. Lalli did everything wrong. He understands what's happening now: Onni is not infected, it's an illusion, it's his own mind playing tricks on him--it's his own mind punishing him. Making him confront his guilt because he hasn't yet paid his dues.

He has to have the image of Onni, doomed, seared in his mind's eye because he hadn't done anything for Tuuri, hadn't learned his lesson.

How can he explain this? There are no possible words, even if his brain worked like a normal person's. Nothing to truly articulate the depths of what he's feeling. The hole inside him howls. The wrong person came back.

He manages to choke out:]

Tuuri.

[Barely said aloud. Practically inaudible. But loaded with all the guilt that Lalli can't express.

You wanted to know what he did wrong, Onni? That's what.]

[scowlish]

[Onni tries. He tries as hard as he can to do as he's always done, to push down his own feelings because they aren't useful or productive, to keep them locked down while he does what needs to be done. He tries to focus on Lalli's pain, and soothing it, trying to get him safely out of this place, tries to prioritize that over his own feelings.

But then Lalli says her name.

Just one word, choked out through Lalli's grief, and Onni feels his defenses collapse; his eyes go from stinging to hot and wet in a moment, his chest hitches, all he's aware of is the oncoming tidal wave of pain that he knows is going to drown him and wash him away until he can't be found anymore. Struggling to put up his fragile walls again, Onni shakes his head even as tears start spilling down his cheeks and his breath comes in broken little gasps.]

Lalli, that's not your fault.

[It's choked out, his throat tight and constricted, and he lifts his hand, frustrated, to scrub at his eyes, trying to stop the tears, but more keep coming. He tries to tell himself that Lalli will be okay if he cries, because he's seen him cry before and was fine then. But this is different. Onni shakes his head again.]

Just come away from here with me, Lalli. Please.

[lallipop]

[Lalli grimaces, and presses his hands into his eyes harder, and doesn't say anything else. He isn't crying--he can't remember the last time he did--but his chest feels frozen with an awful something. He feels like he can't even move or he'll break apart.

He lets Onni steer him out of the room, down the hall; he has to rely on that guidance, because he can't bring himself to take his hands from his face, the pressure strangely calming. He can't bring himself to see Onni's unblemished skin and know he fell to pieces over nothing. He doesn't want to see Onni crying and know this time it's his fault. His own skin feels strange, tingling with an emotion he can't name.

He has to stop thinking about it. He focuses instead on taking slow, even breaths, and takes as long as he can, because once he's calmed down he'll have to acknowledge the fit he just had, humiliation flooding him at the mere thought. He isn't supposed to show this kind of weakness; this is his job. What would grandma think?]

[scowlish]

[Onni doesn't know where he's taking Lalli, he just knows that he needs to get him away from this place, and Lalli is letting him. Onni carefully takes hold of Lalli's shoulders again, guides him away from the monster that's still feeding its hallucinogenic spores into the air around them, his breath hitching a little.

But having Lalli allow him to take over, to lead him away from the source of all this, gives him something to focus on other than the enormity of his grief. Slowly, he chokes back the tears, he gets himself under control, he steadies his breathing. Lalli is small and too skinny and feels impossibly fragile under Onni's hands right now, and the surge of furious protectiveness is enough to chase the last of his own loss of self-control away. By the time he gets them into the hallway and is looking for somewhere safe where they can deal with this, he's breathing normally, his eyes are clear, the only trace of his tears is the leftover dampness on his cheeks, his hands aren't shaking.

Once they've gotten far enough away to be safe from the spores, Onni stops and his right hand from Lalli's shoulder, carefully squeezes at the other, trying to offer whatever grounding or comfort he can.]

Take your time. I'll be here when you're ready.

[His voice is no longer choked with tears, just steady and even-toned, words chosen carefully.]

[lallipop]

[It feels like an eternity, but in reality takes only moments before the wave of--whatever indescribable thing he's feeling melts into simple frustration at himself for this whole... debacle. He really is supposed to be better than this, even with how much Onni has done worse much more often and it hasn't meant anything.

It's abrupt when he finally brings his hands from his face with a huff of irritation. Suddenly, his attitude isn't grieving so much as sullen, and in turn he can't look Onni in the eyes. Instead he looks somewhere behind him, at the wall opposite, and folds his arms, apparently daring Onni to say something. He works his jaw, nearly subconsciously.

Lalli doesn't want Onni's concern. He wants to be in control of himself. He wants to not be pathetic.]

[scowlish]

[There have been times where Onni felt like Lalli could have done better, should have done better, should have taken more responsibility or been more careful, but this is not one of those times. Maybe, he should have paid more attention when Onni told him about the spores, but this place is disorienting enough that he can understand why he didn't.

When Lalli finally drops his hands and looks somewhere behind Onni, avoiding looking at him (Lalli usually avoids eye contact, but in this case he's refusing even to look at any part of Onni) with his face twisted up into an expression of irritation. Onni sighs a little, uses his free hand to scrub at his cheeks and then lets go of Lalli's other shoulder. He's afraid that Lalli is going to run away the moment he lets go, but he knows there's no use in trying to forcibly hold him here if he wants to go, and that's another hurt he swallows down, carefully.

Instead, voice soft and a little resigned, he speaks cautiously, changes the subject, draws attention away from the thing that's distressing them both.]

Have you eaten?

[lallipop]

[Lalli is both resentful and grateful for the change in subject. He doesn't want to dwell on this, doesn't want to talk about it, doesn't want to make himself vulnerable in front of Onni any more than he already has--but a part of him hates being brushed off, as if this was just yet another fit he's had, something to ignore until it fizzles out and Lalli proves himself acceptably cooperative.

That he could think so uncharitably of Tuuri adds another layer of guilt, but at least this can stay safely within his mind. Onni doesn't need to know.

He shrugs in response. He'd eaten at some point, probably. He doesn't feel particularly hungry. If Onni thinks he should eat, he will; if Onni doesn't care either way, he probably won't. Onni always did care more about it than Lalli did.]

[scowlish]

[The change in subject is just a natural reaction to Lalli's irritable expression once the panic wears off, a well-practiced response from years of learning that when Lalli gets too overwhelmed he gets angry and it's best to leave him alone or change the subject.

Right now, Onni doesn't think he could bear to leave Lalli alone, he doesn't want to let him out of his sight, he doesn't want to let go of him.

When Lalli shrugs, Onni takes a halting little breath and rubs his hand over his face, trying to figure out what to say to make this better for Lalli. It's hard, it's almost impossible, when Lalli can't explain all the nuances of what's hurting him so Onni can soothe him with words, and simple touches don't work to comfort Lalli in the way they do for other people.

Another moment or two, and he exhales, closes his eyes just for a moment.]

I know you probably don't want to talk about it. You don't have to talk, just listen to me.

[He takes a careful, measured breath, doesn't bother trying to make eye contact with Lalli because if he's like this there's no chance of that happening, and speaks in as calm and firm a voice as he can.]

What happened to her isn't your fault. You understand me? I was there too, in a way. I know what you were facing. You did everything you could. I don't need apologies from you for that.

[He knows it's stupid, and a bad idea, that he's asking to be bitten or kicked or for Lalli to shut down or spiral into being overwhelmed again, but he reaches out and smooths back a bit of his little cousin's hair from his temple.]

You came home safe. That's all I needed from you.

[lallipop]

[Lalli tenses, a little bit, when Onni reaches out to touch his hair--moreso from the attempt at comfort, which he doesn't know what to do with, than the contact itself--but he doesn't pull away. Onni is good at not making Lalli feel trapped into it when he initiates contact. He knows it's hard for Onni, that Lalli makes it hard, and he appreciates the way that Onni tries to accommodate him rather than force him along. He does.

He wants to compromise. He wants to give Onni the feedback he needs, to let Onni know he's not doing anything wrong, that Lalli is the problem. He wants to let Onni support him the way he wants to, wants to provide for Onni the same that Onni does for him.

He wishes he even knew what he wanted Onni to do for him.

But right now, this is too much.

After a moment or two spent in silence, Lalli nods, once, at the ground. It's all he knows how to do to let Onni know that he heard. He's not sure he believes it, but he heard. Then he does pull back, and slips under Onni's arm so that he's back to standing in the hallway.

He pats Onni lightly on the shoulder, just to let him know that he's okay, before turning on his heel to begin to dart away. Anywhere is fine, really--he just needs to be by himself.]