[ Yep, he'd been right. Messy and personal. Most people - especially most teenagers - don't just wake up one day and decide that saving everyone is their responsibility. There are usually precipitating events. ]
I'm sorry to hear that you went through that.
[ Should he leave it at that? Probably. Almost certainly. And he would, if it were just a matter of conflicting opinions. But he really likes Peter and he's kind of feeling now like his responsibility is to try a little to see if he can encourage the kid to a slightly healthier view of himself. ]
Breaking habits is tough. Especially when they're ones you formed to cope with some really shitty circumstances it sounds like. I don't know exactly what went down and you don't need to tell me, but can I maybe offer some perspective? As a friend (I hope), and as a guy who got killed in a way that was pretty not great and who watched for years as a ghost as his family blamed themselves and blamed each other for failing to stop it, and hurt themselves out of guilt?
It won't undo anything, if you keep blaming yourself and not taking care of yourself. Whoever you lost almost certainly wouldn't want that. It's good to acknowledge when you fuck up, and to learn from it. But it doesn't undo that good to also be happy, and cut yourself a little slack. It's not failing them.
I forgave them so much quicker than they forgave themselves, and at some point it started to feel like they were just using the memory of me as an excuse not to process their shit and grow, you know? Now I'm not saying that's what you're doing. Taking on too much responsibility isn't the same as, like, becoming a drug addict. I'm not saying there's a hurry either. This stuff takes time and I was dead for about as long as you've been alive your whole life. I just... wanted to say that.
no subject
I'm sorry to hear that you went through that.
[ Should he leave it at that? Probably. Almost certainly. And he would, if it were just a matter of conflicting opinions. But he really likes Peter and he's kind of feeling now like his responsibility is to try a little to see if he can encourage the kid to a slightly healthier view of himself. ]
Breaking habits is tough. Especially when they're ones you formed to cope with some really shitty circumstances it sounds like.
I don't know exactly what went down and you don't need to tell me, but can I maybe offer some perspective?
As a friend (I hope), and as a guy who got killed in a way that was pretty not great and who watched for years as a ghost as his family blamed themselves and blamed each other for failing to stop it, and hurt themselves out of guilt?
It won't undo anything, if you keep blaming yourself and not taking care of yourself. Whoever you lost almost certainly wouldn't want that. It's good to acknowledge when you fuck up, and to learn from it. But it doesn't undo that good to also be happy, and cut yourself a little slack. It's not failing them.
I forgave them so much quicker than they forgave themselves, and at some point it started to feel like they were just using the memory of me as an excuse not to process their shit and grow, you know? Now I'm not saying that's what you're doing. Taking on too much responsibility isn't the same as, like, becoming a drug addict. I'm not saying there's a hurry either. This stuff takes time and I was dead for about as long as you've been alive your whole life. I just... wanted to say that.