[ ben's words mostly just wash over allison. for a moment there, she seems to look not at him but through him, playing memory after memory in her mind, trying to figure out what she had just said, and more importantly, what she meant. was it not normal, the way she had idolized those women in magazines, the way she looked at them, wanted to re-make herself in their image, wanted to be them? fantasized being not just their best friends, but their very best friends, closer than she and luther, even. and besides, wasn't she married? it might not have been the best of marriages, but it was one she sought out?
but amid all that confusion, there's the beginnings of some resolution too, of things finally clicking into place, of feelings she could never really explain starting to make sense. allison holds onto that feeling, trying to let it ground herself, as she fixes her attention back on ben. ]
A long time I think? I guess I just never knew how to name it. I worked so hard at being the kind of girl dad wanted me to be, and what [ and gosh, isnt't this ironic? ] those magazines wanted me to be, I never stopped to think whether that was really me. It never occurred to me to stop and think.
[ allison, again, doesn't mean to say that much, didn't know she had that much to say. but once she starts typing, it all comes out so easily (so suspiciously easily!), and when she's done, she gives a small, sheepish smile.
and then ben says that there's a guy in his life, a guy that he likes, and that's when allison finally realizes -- it's not that he didn't get it. it's that ben gets it even better than allison had previously thought. she grins. ]
Wow, are we twins or something?
[ haha funny joke! allison winks. ]
But seriously, congratulations, that's so great! I mean it's sad that you had to give up on that kind of love but I'm happy you've got it now! Who's the lucky guy????????????
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but amid all that confusion, there's the beginnings of some resolution too, of things finally clicking into place, of feelings she could never really explain starting to make sense. allison holds onto that feeling, trying to let it ground herself, as she fixes her attention back on ben. ]
A long time I think? I guess I just never knew how to name it. I worked so hard at being the kind of girl dad wanted me to be, and what [ and gosh, isnt't this ironic? ] those magazines wanted me to be, I never stopped to think whether that was really me. It never occurred to me to stop and think.
[ allison, again, doesn't mean to say that much, didn't know she had that much to say. but once she starts typing, it all comes out so easily (so suspiciously easily!), and when she's done, she gives a small, sheepish smile.
and then ben says that there's a guy in his life, a guy that he likes, and that's when allison finally realizes -- it's not that he didn't get it. it's that ben gets it even better than allison had previously thought. she grins. ]
Wow, are we twins or something?
[ haha funny joke! allison winks. ]
But seriously, congratulations, that's so great! I mean it's sad that you had to give up on that kind of love but I'm happy you've got it now! Who's the lucky guy????????????
[ all those question marks are important, ok!! ]