I don't think it's his first instinct either, but I know how... how stubborn I can be about these things. Like I don't blame him for it, but I'm still annoyed.
[Because teenage rebellion, or something. His flavor of teenage rebellion isn't very bold, considering all he wants to do is help people as much as he can despite what the ~adults~ say.
But now shit's about to get mushy. He sighs, reaching across the table to give Ben's wrist a squeeze.]
Bro, you are worth so much more than you think you are. I really wish you could see yourself the way that I see you.
...Which almost definitely sounds like I'm hitting on you, but I promise I'm not.
[But what he is doing is avoiding answering the question, at least for a moment while he tries to actually figure out how to. he leans back in his seat again, silent for a moment while he crosses his arms.]
If I had to narrow it down to one incident... This was back when I'd just gotten my powers. I was uh, honestly, kind of afraid of them, afraid of what people would think about me if they knew about it. Afraid they'd be afraid of me. So I didn't use them. I just tried to live my life like everyone else, tried to pretend I was normal. And then one day, something happened.
[He pauses, not so much for dramatic effect as it is to steel himself to get through this. Wow turns out talking about horrible past traumas is really difficult!]
My, um. My Uncle Ben - Fun coincidence there - he uh, he was shot. Murdered. And it-- it was something I could have prevented. Despite everything that I can do, I did nothing, and he--
[He stops again, sniffles, raises a hand to wipe his eyes. He's sure Ben gets the picture without him having to go into all the gory details.]
When you can do the things that I can do, and you do nothing, and bad things happen, they happen because of you. That's why I can't just stop. I don't mean that in a... in a I won't stop and you can't make me sort of way. I think it's just subconscious, like, I don't even realize when I'm doing it most of the time. Like, I really don't think it's all on me, I know that this is a team effort. I guess I just feel like I should be pulling more than my own weight, because I can.
no subject
[Because teenage rebellion, or something. His flavor of teenage rebellion isn't very bold, considering all he wants to do is help people as much as he can despite what the ~adults~ say.
But now shit's about to get mushy. He sighs, reaching across the table to give Ben's wrist a squeeze.]
Bro, you are worth so much more than you think you are. I really wish you could see yourself the way that I see you.
...Which almost definitely sounds like I'm hitting on you, but I promise I'm not.
[But what he is doing is avoiding answering the question, at least for a moment while he tries to actually figure out how to. he leans back in his seat again, silent for a moment while he crosses his arms.]
If I had to narrow it down to one incident... This was back when I'd just gotten my powers. I was uh, honestly, kind of afraid of them, afraid of what people would think about me if they knew about it. Afraid they'd be afraid of me. So I didn't use them. I just tried to live my life like everyone else, tried to pretend I was normal. And then one day, something happened.
[He pauses, not so much for dramatic effect as it is to steel himself to get through this. Wow turns out talking about horrible past traumas is really difficult!]
My, um. My Uncle Ben - Fun coincidence there - he uh, he was shot. Murdered. And it-- it was something I could have prevented. Despite everything that I can do, I did nothing, and he--
[He stops again, sniffles, raises a hand to wipe his eyes. He's sure Ben gets the picture without him having to go into all the gory details.]
When you can do the things that I can do, and you do nothing, and bad things happen, they happen because of you. That's why I can't just stop. I don't mean that in a... in a I won't stop and you can't make me sort of way. I think it's just subconscious, like, I don't even realize when I'm doing it most of the time. Like, I really don't think it's all on me, I know that this is a team effort. I guess I just feel like I should be pulling more than my own weight, because I can.