benhargreeves: (! you don't have to do it alone)
benhargreeves ([personal profile] benhargreeves) wrote in [community profile] redmarsshit 2019-11-14 12:06 am (UTC)

He is used to it, by now; the little cues that tell him Cole is talking to 'Them', as he calls them, rather than him. It doesn't surprise him any longer.

Ben remains still, allowing Cole to move and reposition himself. He keeps one hand on Cole's head, resting there, pushing the pale strands back from his forehead for a moment before resettling. Bit by bit, his heart-rate is slowing down. The hugeness of what had just happened, of what they just went through, is settling in. Ben takes deep long breaths, in for a few seconds, then slowly out. He's had to learn over the years how to calm his body down. If he can do that, maybe he will help Cole to be able to do the same.

"Thank you for keeping me safe."

Deep breath in, deep breath out. They survived and they're together and everything is going to be alright. Ben tries to make himself really feel it. But panic that deep doesn't dispel quickly. So he just holds Cole while Cole curls around him and he breathes through the trembling and the echoing awful sick feeling of fear.

"Cole..."

Ben isn't sure how he can articulate what he wants to say. But he has to find some way to say it, now that he'd had that awful realization that losing Cole is a thing that could happen in the world. He takes another few long breaths. Tries:

"If anything bad happened to you..."

No, he isn't getting any further than that, apparently. He just hopes that despite his distress, Cole will be able to fill in the rest. Ben's concern for him, his certainty that if anything bad happened to Cole, it would hurt him quite intensely. All of that not-wanting-to-lose-someone wrapped up in a messy knot of emotions he doesn't have words for.

Post a comment in response:

This account has disabled anonymous posting.
If you don't have an account you can create one now.
HTML doesn't work in the subject.
More info about formatting