[Carlisle's eyes are still on his hands, his fingers wound so tight that the radiation suit over his gloves threatens to tear. He releases his grasp, his entire frame shaking as he crosses his arms. He talks to fill the void, trying to give himself time to recompose; he's more earnest than he means to be, words spilling out of him before he can catch them.]
I thought I fell asleep. It felt so long, and simultaneously as though I'd only just nodded off in my exhaustion, like an unintended nap. Yet, when I awoke, everything had changed. I had changed.
[His hands curl in on themselves, the glow of his eyes brighter in his agitation.]
My family long ago swore themselves to protect Bear Den. I thought they would be in good hands when I passed. As the last of our bloodline, I willed the town everything we had. I could hardly sleep in those final days, but I rested well then, thinking the people would thrive long after us. What followed -- it felt like... dreamlike, unreal. Vague images I could barely recall. Feelings that couldn't have been mine. Faces I should have been able to recognize, but were suddenly foreign to me, their features twisted in agony.
[Across his face is a mixture of shame and disgust, all of it aimed internally. There is bitterness too, the kind of volatile resentment he attributed to Revenants just moments before -- it identifies him now, is as much a part of him as his lineage. He feels it wearing into him, and turns away from Qubit to spare himself some embarrassment. His words come out harsher through his gritted teeth.]
I awakened as myself, yet remained in a nightmare. I am a contradiction, the antithesis of all I ever was and all my family stood against. I wanted so desperately to be anything but the failure of my bloodline, and I became the scourge of it. Everyone I had ever known, everyone I looked to and who looked to me for help, people I had known my entire life—
[Something in his throat gives him pause; he swallows it down, and pushes a breath through him, in and out.]
I realized only just now, out here with you, what happened to all of them. How they ended up the way they were. How they died, and how they reanimated. What I did to them.
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I thought I fell asleep. It felt so long, and simultaneously as though I'd only just nodded off in my exhaustion, like an unintended nap. Yet, when I awoke, everything had changed. I had changed.
[His hands curl in on themselves, the glow of his eyes brighter in his agitation.]
My family long ago swore themselves to protect Bear Den. I thought they would be in good hands when I passed. As the last of our bloodline, I willed the town everything we had. I could hardly sleep in those final days, but I rested well then, thinking the people would thrive long after us. What followed -- it felt like... dreamlike, unreal. Vague images I could barely recall. Feelings that couldn't have been mine. Faces I should have been able to recognize, but were suddenly foreign to me, their features twisted in agony.
[Across his face is a mixture of shame and disgust, all of it aimed internally. There is bitterness too, the kind of volatile resentment he attributed to Revenants just moments before -- it identifies him now, is as much a part of him as his lineage. He feels it wearing into him, and turns away from Qubit to spare himself some embarrassment. His words come out harsher through his gritted teeth.]
I awakened as myself, yet remained in a nightmare. I am a contradiction, the antithesis of all I ever was and all my family stood against. I wanted so desperately to be anything but the failure of my bloodline, and I became the scourge of it. Everyone I had ever known, everyone I looked to and who looked to me for help, people I had known my entire life—
[Something in his throat gives him pause; he swallows it down, and pushes a breath through him, in and out.]
I realized only just now, out here with you, what happened to all of them. How they ended up the way they were. How they died, and how they reanimated. What I did to them.