[Lalli grimaces, and presses his hands into his eyes harder, and doesn't say anything else. He isn't crying--he can't remember the last time he did--but his chest feels frozen with an awful something. He feels like he can't even move or he'll break apart.
He lets Onni steer him out of the room, down the hall; he has to rely on that guidance, because he can't bring himself to take his hands from his face, the pressure strangely calming. He can't bring himself to see Onni's unblemished skin and know he fell to pieces over nothing. He doesn't want to see Onni crying and know this time it's his fault. His own skin feels strange, tingling with an emotion he can't name.
He has to stop thinking about it. He focuses instead on taking slow, even breaths, and takes as long as he can, because once he's calmed down he'll have to acknowledge the fit he just had, humiliation flooding him at the mere thought. He isn't supposed to show this kind of weakness; this is his job. What would grandma think?]
no subject
He lets Onni steer him out of the room, down the hall; he has to rely on that guidance, because he can't bring himself to take his hands from his face, the pressure strangely calming. He can't bring himself to see Onni's unblemished skin and know he fell to pieces over nothing. He doesn't want to see Onni crying and know this time it's his fault. His own skin feels strange, tingling with an emotion he can't name.
He has to stop thinking about it. He focuses instead on taking slow, even breaths, and takes as long as he can, because once he's calmed down he'll have to acknowledge the fit he just had, humiliation flooding him at the mere thought. He isn't supposed to show this kind of weakness; this is his job. What would grandma think?]