[It's a relief when Lalli doesn't push away from him, or push him away, he just leans into Onni's hands on his arms and it reminds him of any one of hundreds of times he's calmed Lalli this way since they were children. Times when Lalli was overwhelmed or confused or sad and Onni learned the slow, painful, trial-and-error lesson of how caring for his cousin's emotional distress was different from caring for Tuuri's, or how other people handled his own.
This is what it had always boiled down to - don't hug, don't push, don't startle, touch his arms only, let go right away if there's any sign of distress at it. Years of practice have made it much easier to fight his natural instinct to hug, but when Lalli leans into him and opens his eyes, and his face looks stricken instead of relieved, it's still hard to fight the urge to do it, even though he knows that will make everything worse.
At least, it is until Lalli says 'no' and starts pulling back from him as if he's turned into a monster. Onni immediately lets go of him when he tries to pull away, but he can feel the kick of fear through the abiding haze of low-level anxiety that almost always persists with him.]
Lalli?
[It comes out far more shaky and confused than he wants it to, and before he speaks again, he forces himself to stabilize his voice, to take a few deep breaths and force calm into his voice even if the way Lalli's hands fly up to his mouth and he keeps backing up and repeating 'no' over and over kicks his adrenaline into overdrive.]
Lalli, whatever you're seeing, it isn't real. Lalli, say something. What is it?
no subject
This is what it had always boiled down to - don't hug, don't push, don't startle, touch his arms only, let go right away if there's any sign of distress at it. Years of practice have made it much easier to fight his natural instinct to hug, but when Lalli leans into him and opens his eyes, and his face looks stricken instead of relieved, it's still hard to fight the urge to do it, even though he knows that will make everything worse.
At least, it is until Lalli says 'no' and starts pulling back from him as if he's turned into a monster. Onni immediately lets go of him when he tries to pull away, but he can feel the kick of fear through the abiding haze of low-level anxiety that almost always persists with him.]
Lalli?
[It comes out far more shaky and confused than he wants it to, and before he speaks again, he forces himself to stabilize his voice, to take a few deep breaths and force calm into his voice even if the way Lalli's hands fly up to his mouth and he keeps backing up and repeating 'no' over and over kicks his adrenaline into overdrive.]
Lalli, whatever you're seeing, it isn't real. Lalli, say something. What is it?
[And then, just in case, just in case-]
I won't hurt you.