[The problem with Onni is that he's a constant. When things don't make sense, Onni is there to be an anchor and make sense for him. He knows what to do when things get to be too much. And despite how Lalli wants to be angry, it's something he needs right now when everything is lying to him, and he can't keep up wanting the distance. He's at sea, and Onni is a rock to cling to.
He leans into Onni's hands, and trusts him, and open his eyes.
His heart stops.
Everything that Onni has just told him, every rational thought flies from his head because all he can see is the rash on Onni's neck. Right there, clear as day: infection.
Lalli doesn't know where or how it could have happened, but it doesn't matter, because there it is. A death sentence. And it was Lalli's job to keep it from happening.]
No.
[This time, it is directed at Onni. Where Lalli been bracing his weight in Onni's hands, now he steps away, unconsciously, feeling only horror. Everything narrows with terrible clarity onto this moment. He feels hollow and sick, the same way he felt when he'd come into the tank and found Tuuri holding her bleeding arm. Onni is infected. Onni is going to die. Onni is going to die, just like Tuuri, because Lalli failed to protect him.
His hands fly to his mouth without him even realizing, and all he can do is back up, like putting distance between them will disperse the mirage, make it not real.]
no subject
He leans into Onni's hands, and trusts him, and open his eyes.
His heart stops.
Everything that Onni has just told him, every rational thought flies from his head because all he can see is the rash on Onni's neck. Right there, clear as day: infection.
Lalli doesn't know where or how it could have happened, but it doesn't matter, because there it is. A death sentence. And it was Lalli's job to keep it from happening.]
No.
[This time, it is directed at Onni. Where Lalli been bracing his weight in Onni's hands, now he steps away, unconsciously, feeling only horror. Everything narrows with terrible clarity onto this moment. He feels hollow and sick, the same way he felt when he'd come into the tank and found Tuuri holding her bleeding arm. Onni is infected. Onni is going to die. Onni is going to die, just like Tuuri, because Lalli failed to protect him.
His hands fly to his mouth without him even realizing, and all he can do is back up, like putting distance between them will disperse the mirage, make it not real.]
No, no, no, no--!
[Not him too. Not him too.]